Yes that’s probably the title of the post… These past two weeks have not only been rough but almost to the point of unbearable. For those who know me, they might just say “mehhh you’ll be fine” but honestly there were multiple days where I wanted to call it quits. I still remember the moment when I was walking in the food court, lost. That feeling of having nothing within, losing hope in everything… This semester is tough because I can pour hours and hours, days and days in studying and doing assignments and score like 40 points below my expectation. The next two months will be about the same where I’m constantly fighting for motivation, fighting to survive another day. Every struggle that I have encountered… I ask myself if it’s worth it… WAIT… not even that but more like why am I doing this? Coming across these videos are exactly what I need on days where I start losing hope and stop believing in myself.
I’m also grateful for all the support that I have in the people around me. Friends who are willing to lend a shoulder, lend an ear. And I’m utmost grateful to encounter people who motivate me to work hard… Those people who are driven to succeed no matter the difficulties they face, inspire me.
"Don’t tell me that you miss me over text when I initiated the conversation. When I initiate all of our conversations. When I purposefully limit the amount of times I try to reach out because you have your life, and I have my life, and there is nothing wrong with that other than I still want to maintain a friendship. Don’t add in “I miss you” because you feel like you should. When we both know you either have the feeling or you don’t.
Don’t tell me that you miss me because you haven’t seen me in enough time that apparently equates to “forever” in your world. When you have made zero effort to arrange a time when we can get together and catch up. When I have tried to make plans with you, and you agreed to let me know, but either never did or simply forgot to do so. Don’t add in “I miss you” as some kind of apology after yet another failed attempt to see each other. When we both know if it really mattered, we would have seen each other by now.”
Approaching in the next week is the lovely Valentines Day. For couples this is a day where they show each other love, splurge on gifts for one another. But coming across this article, it made me think about people we loved and may still love now. Sometimes it’s our busy lives that prevent us from getting together with people that we love. As time goes on, we become more and more distant. Personally I hate being given false hope. “I miss you, we should hangout.” But honestly I am guilty about this too, when everything else is going on in our lives we neglect some of the meet ups that we were suppose to have. I feel bad for telling my friends that let’s grab lunch or dinner and then all my work gets in the way. Definitely need to hit up a couple of friends for lunch to make up for those missed plans when spring break comes.
Randomly found this video while I was on youtube… Before even looking at the description I watched the video and I could pick out that the scenes were taken in Taiwan. Being in Taiwan for a month personally, these scenes seem so familiar especially the scenes looking out of the high speed rail. And I didn’t make to to Kenting to see the beaches when I was there. But the more touching aspect of this video was about point being made about second chances.
This is the description of the video:
"We often want second chances. Sometimes we don’t deserve them. The feeling of regret and wishing for another chance is common when a couple separates. Whoever is at fault usually searches for sympathy as they have realized in hindsight their mistakes."
Second chances are aspects of life everyone thinks about. There are times where we would think back and wonder if it could have been done differently. What if… what if it was done differently, where would we be now? What actually went wrong? The second time around I’ll definitely not do this or do it differently. But that also depends if we are given that second chance. Second chances are hard to come by so if you happen to be given one. Please don’t make the same mistakes twice. Realize what went wrong the first time and know how lucky a second chance given is. A lot of people don’t get second chances. Giving out a second chance is like giving someone the power to break your heart again. Or giving someone a second chance to show you the love they didn’t show you the first time.
This month has been interesting in many many ways. First, I slacked on my New Years resolution. In reality, looking deep into my schedule it’s probably not realistically possible for me to find 3 days a week to go work out. Once I’m done with one class’s problem set i’m off to writing another report and then back to the second problem set. Lovely quizzes one after another. Interesting in the second way is that one of these days this month I’ve had handled stress in the worse way. It wasn’t the typical stress where I can handle anymore by managing my time, it skyrocketed to something much more serious. However, after speaking to a couple of lovely people, I’ve gotten some advice here and there. Sometimes I feel like every semester is like a tank of gas that I have to survive on. Last semester my gas tank ran out with a month left of classes. This semester I feel like I’m out of gas already.
For February, my hopes is to hit the gym once a week. And not to stress about all the little things but just to tackle things one at a time. Spring break is getting closer and closer… When spring break arrives I would have taken roughly 5 exams, 15 quizzes and submitted multiple reports and proposals.
Spring break please please come to me… so I can fill up my gas tank T.T
Finally this first week of spring semester has gone by… And I have to say this is the roughest first week of college. This post is going to more of a complaining one and for those who may be reading I apologize beforehand. I cleaned up my plate of commitments and decided to focus on extracurriculars that will give me more insight into my future career. But that doesn’t mean that I have more time on my hands…. ABSOLUTELY NOT… These two classes that I am taking scared me before I even stepped foot into the class. Knowing that math isn’t my forte… I decided to give it my best shot from day 1…Because I know that in the end, even if am in the top of the class… . I gave it my best shot. To me that’s all that’s important.
Recently I’ve been called a nerd for going to the library to study and that I’m not entirely ok with it…. but HEYYY…. in the end my grades are all for ME so more hard work now will just help me later on. But one day this first week, I’ve been doubted… I’ve been told to reconsider my major… This person said basically go do something easier because some things in my major have yet to click for me. I’ve doubted myself every semester whenever I struggle with my courses and being told that doesn’t do me any good. That moment, I held mixed feelings, one side of me wanted to just go and switch into some easy major and be done with this and let myself have more sleep BUT another part of me can’t help but laugh and hold my head up high because I want to prove that person wrong when I have my degree. Later on, I realized what that person said doesn’t matter…. I can not and will not be swayed by their words! I’ve come such a long way. I don’t have to better than anyone else in my major, I just have to be the best that I can be. And all the work is on me, I’ll pour every ounce that I have to do whatever I can to get my degree.
Beyond the many things I hope to accomplish some time in the near future, there are a couple things I — and you — should do in the new year no matter what.
Although I have yet to hit 21, I do feel like these are still applicable to me. Sometimes we all get lazy and we use all of our time on things that are not as productive as others. Like I can be lazy where I use up hours on watching movies or playing candy crush and that can definitely be time saved for #1 being more active…. And honestly I’m not about all the parties… I’d prefer to just hangout with a bunch of close friends but maybe I’ll need to go to one or two when I have time… In terms of buying valuable things I feel like sometimes we all want so much. Some people want all those dream cars and fancy mansions and that’s totally fine if that’s what your end goals are. Some people want to save the world or save people from poverty and that is an amazing end goal. Whatever your end goals may be I’ve always been the one saying if you put your mind to it and take action! Then you’re more likely to achieve it compared if you just talked about them. I also feel like a once in a while a splurge is fine because it can be a tiny reward for going so far. And that’s what makes the splurge meaningful :) Hopefully I’ll be able to relax a little bit more but the possibility of that is next to 0. But in the end hopefully it’ll be worth all the stressful all-nighters when I have that degree at hand.
I’ve always knew that my tumblr has not been about me. It’s mostly reposts of quotes or stories I find that are interesting that I want to post or have thoughts about. But I think this may be the beginning of change. So after 30 posts, this will be the first that is personalized and just about me.
So I’ve always been making some sort of resolutions every year but I always just drop them and just say some excuse along the lines that I’m too busy with school. I have no time. But thinking back… I probably had some extra time, I just decided to invest it in something else. So this year I’m pretty determined to keep them. So here we go:
Exercise More - Minimum of 3 days a week
Eat healthier food + Try new food
Stay positive + Don’t look back!
Travel to a new place :D
I’ve keep #1 on my resolutions for a couple of years and last semester I was able to go almost once a week. This semester although it might be hard with the courses I’m taking… I’m going to make time to workout so it’ll be my way of de-stressing. #2 comes along for the first time because I use the excuse of my lack of time to munch on junk food and eat fast food. But I’m going to take it down a notch this year; keeping sugars, chips and cheese at a minimum and adding more fruits and veggies. #3 holds me accountable of keeping the positive mentality for these hard courses I’ll be facing in the spring. I know there will be unbearable days where I’ll be on the verge of giving up but I have to stay positive. Keeping in mind that all I need to do is to give it my all. Giving it my all will ensure that I end the semester with no regrets. I have to keep in mind that I don’t have to be better than others but I just have to be better than the person I was yesterday. #4 is newest on the list because last year I had the chance to go to Taiwan for a summer study abroad and that definitely changed my life. So for 2014 I hope to travel somewhere new and there are definitely some places I’m already keeping my eyes on.
There is definitely a lot of hopes and dreams for 2014, setting these resolutions is just the beginning of keeping me on track.
There is nothing that compares to that feeling of butterflies you get when their name pops up on your phone but that all changes when it’s over. That feeling that once put a smile on your face now puts a lump in your throat and a knot in your stomach. You’re validated and pissed off at the same time. You love that they miss you and hate them for putting you in a compromising position.
This isn’t something that occurs only once. It’s something you battle every single day until one day, you finally don’t anymore. The hardest part is there is no text-book amount of time that tells you when it’ll all feel better. You just hear and hope that eventually it will get better. “
Sighhh…. Honestly easier said than done. But in the end, we just have to better ourselves and then let it go from there…